Meh and, yeah, whatever.

So I haven’t written on my computer in a while, but I have been carrying around a pad of paper which I’ve been hand writing Ariel in–yeah, so not looking forward to transferring THAT bad boy–so writing has been meh for me. It’s all still there, I can hear the conversations and I know this long sequence of events…but maybe that in itself is where the problem lies. I see this huge road for Annan’s book series, as well as one for my first erotica, Lizzy’s Lesson, and on those roads are offshoots of other stories as well as full detours for work, and kids, and life in general. So now I’m looking at these HUGE stories and am getting anxiety over it. Should I continue and write when I can? Should I sacrifice family and work to write more? Should I throw in the towel and not write at all unless it’s lesson plans and notes to school? These are some of the thoughts rolling through my head and I get all, “yeah, whatever,” about it. I love when writing isn’t a chore, when it flows and comes out faster than my hands can hit the keys, not when I’m all meh about it and I have to shove each letter out like I’m passing multiple kidney stones. 

So, here is where I’m at, and no I’m not throwing in the towel but I am scared of how huge the task seems and I don’t understand how other indie authors are able to put out a book a week. Do they do nothing but write? No kids, no significant other, no work, no life, just words–and not even that good of words–flowing forth twenty-four-seven? It’s mind boggling to think of. Lucky for me small things show me I should keep going, no matter how slow the progress, and never give up. For instance, a silly quiz saying I should be a writer, or the fact I still get consistent downloads on what I consider mediocre work. Those small things help keep me moving forward and as long as I take it one step at a time eventually I will see the end of that road, even if it is years from now.